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today i will play it as it lays

sarah jack

joan didion's writing has a chokehold grip on me (and seemingly most of my peers) that i simply cannot loosen. play it as it lays only strengthened joan's grasp around my literary windpipe. recently i divulged to a friend of mine (same friend who sent me girl online) that "i need to dramatically dive off the end of a pier into a lagoon & enter an alternate reality". while that goal has yet to be fulfilled, i did read play it as it lays - and that urge has been relatively satisfied (for now).


the novel is a quick read that functions less as a narrative and more as an amalgamation of sepia-soaked scenes ripped from studio A24's handbook on how to craft coming-of-age films directly marketed to the depressed and beauty-obsessed young women of the Instagram generation. and i love it. i love that didion's voice has echoed across decades and will continue to reverberate until the inevitable heat death of the universe when all print, books, and articles are lost in ash.


our hot girl of the day is maria wyeth. after 200 pages of maria's laments and fantasies about california turnpikes and 1960s prescription drugs, one can see how every "it" sad girl from bella swan to amy dunne to esther greenwood (i understand that the bell jar precedes play it as it lays but that's not my point) are just wannabe marias. in short maria's got what everyone wants - a level of apathy so absurd it would compel, torment, and inspire matty healy of the 1975 to create a concept album around.


if you self-identify as a "woman on the edge of a nervous breakthrough" or simply as a hot girl who is losing her mind, this is for you. i recommend reading it on public transit while donning oversized sunglasses, and noise-canceling headphones, and sipping on your caffeinated beverage of choice for dramatic and performative effect.

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